Foreplay is that important?!

Actually partners and women yes. The majority of the time really should be foreplay. Find what works to relax and arouses your partner. Make sure they are good and wet. 

Women have stages of arousal and that will be a good discussion for us to know. Undertanding that can help go this is good or not good. Of course woman should be on board. This is by no means saying that an aroused woman is an okay to have sex if they are drugged or anything. 

But if you go to early pain is likely to be present. Plus relaxation should be part of the foreplay. Deep breathing and taking time. So yes foreplay is important.

Foreplay can be hot and sexy. The more relaxed and the more aroused the better. The more likely a successful romp and another in the future.

Degrees of Severity

There are different degrees of severity of vaginismus as there is different types of vaginismus such as Primary or Secondary.

This blog is going to create its on description of severity. Like a severity level system.

Healthy Average

This is a person that does not have the condition or has had the condition and are cured. They have no issues with tampons, no problems with PAP and can have sex.

Mild

This person is able to have intercourse but not without pain. May have some issues with tampons and wearing due to some pain.  May have little or no pain with the Obgyn. This person may be able to do two but not three of the things. 

Moderate

This person can wear a tampon with some pain but struggles with Obgyn. Some appointments they can't do because the pain level is that high. This person might be able to have sex but with tons of pain. Really they would rather avoid it at all costs. 

Severe

This is the person whom has trouble with all three. Maybe they can get a finger inside but they are limited to what they can do. Tampons, pap and sex isn't on the table. Penetration is very limited. 

Profound 

This is the person that even the thought of touching or even touching the vagina sets the person to spasm and have an anxiety attack. No penetration possible. 

These levels will be ironed more out in description. This entry was to give members a way of categorizing their starting and then to the end. As the person gets treatment they would move themselves from severity. It helps to see the progress. 

Treatment options: self or professional help

So you are in the midst of figuring out your treatment options. There are a variety of treatment options. There is no one method or best method of treatment. Only just what works for you.

Dilators

   They come in sets and made of a variety of materials such as     . They increase in width and are used to stretch the vagina. The idea is to work on getting your body used to having something that size in there and then work up to the next size.  There are a variety of places that you can find dilators (Pure Romance, Vaginismus.com) and more.  

If you decide to self dilate, there are resources in the Vaginismus Support Group on how to self treat with dilators.  Understand you might have to start with a Quetip, then finger and up.

Another good possible resource is zucchini. They are perfect because you can make them whatever size you need. 

They are cheaper than the ones you find that are manufactured.

It is worth trying and make sure that you have a good resource. Self treatment has upfront cost but no weekly out of pocket expenses.

Vagi-wave

A UK researcher developed a treatment that can be done while your sleeping.   This method is a 28 day program and when you purchase they provide you with the program. There have been signs of improvement and complete success .  It's another self-treatment option that is gaining in popularity in many of the groups.

Physical Therapy

If the physical therapist understands the pelvic floor this can be a good option. Some will treat and use dilators for homework and others don't believe in dilators. Members with both kinds of therapists have reported success and progress. Pending distance, insurance and your personal schedule and willingness to do the homework. Progress can be made and improvements seen to the point of healing.

Women's Therapy Center

They have a two - week program that is run by two women whom have patented a treatment method for curing vaginismus. They have an online group that specifically focuses on their treatment. Some insurances will cover their treatment. If your willing to travel and can afford the treatment this is an option for some women. Make contact with them to get more information.

Botox

This is another professional method of treatment. An injection of Botox to the right area allows the muscles to relax. Many have been able to have sex shortly after the injection. Downside no sensation. Often recommended to seek a physical therapist during the time the Botox is in the system.

It is always recommended to find a good counselor or psychologist to address the emotional aspect of the condition.

What do I need to treat this?

Something to remember besides the knowledge of techniques and the resource is that the biggest factor will be readiness, personal motivation and access to information.

Readiness

Sometimes we are not ready to be treated. But that might signify a more emotional and mental approach before addressing the physical. This can be done with support of a professional or individually.  Breathing exercises and positive thing is a huge part of it.  But until readiness mentally and ability to relax the physical approach may take time. If you are the partner and discover dilators and buy thinking that it's just going to happen. Be understanding of they sit. Pushing and pressuring isn't going to make it progress faster and isn't good for the relationship. Until the partner with the condtion is truly ready no option will work.

Personal motivation

Remember why you want to be cured and post it in a place that is special to you. When you get to moments of frustration bring it back to why you started. And remember there are multiple ways to treat the condition. You may need to re-evaluate as you work to see if you are making progress or if there is a better approach for you.

Access to information 

This is key and with caution shown.

Sometimes the more known searches will paint a picture that there are very little methods to self treat and that you need a certain place or a professional to cure. For someone that doesn't have the resources or money can seem depressing and frustrated. First off, many women in our group have gone on to be cured without the assistance of professional of any kind.

For some individuals self treatment may not be the best approach and they should seek other resources. 

Social media groups are great at giving information. Make sure that the group presents all methods and supports all methods. A group that focuses on only one approach may not be the best option in supporting and giving all resources and are may have something financial to gain. Do your research and look at whom runs the groups.  Do they have anything to gain? If so they most likely will only address what they do. This would be great if your wanting to know more about their route.

A special posts for partners of women with Vaginsmus.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Why should I work to cure this?

This is a huge part of the motivation to get treated and follow through. It also helps you to understand the importance of being cured.

1) for your health

         Pap smears are important identification of cervical cancer. If you can't do a Pap smear this is a huge reason and maybe one of the top reasons to get treated.

2) personal choice and flexibility

  Want to go swimming and its your time of the month. You will need to be able to insert a tampon. Also gives you the option to use a menstrual cup.  Flexibility is key. It makes if hard to want to plan trips to beaches of the pool in advance if your not 100% sure what day it will start.

3) having sex

  This is a huge thing.  For many women the ability to have sex with their partner is a huge motivation. Often the partner will want that as well. Another is being able to have children of their own. IVF is expensive and so is surrogate mother and adoption.  

4). To not feel different than the rest

While you shouldn't, it's natural for us to compare what things other women whole don't have the condition can do. Curing meNs you can do what your body is suppose to be able to do.

Find your motivation. Because once you start the process you will need that to keep you going.

How do people discover Vaginismus and common reactions to discovering the name?

It is not uncommon for a woman with vaginismus to seek multiple doctors before finding one that will understand and know the condition. In an age when technology and access to information is a second away from the hands of individuals in all professions, we are still finding that vaginismus is highly misunderstood and unknown by family doctors and Obgyn's.  Wait.. your probably thinking.. Did you type Obgyn? Are they not suppose to be the doctors and experts of that area?

You didn't read that wrong at all.  It is a sad truth that is harmful because it feeds into the depression and feelings about the condition. Many women suffer from puberty til they happen upon either an Obgyn that understands the pelvic floor and knows the condition.  Sometimes this isn't the case. For some women, it is self-research online that can lead them to the conclusion that they have vaginismus.  It is always recommended that you get looked at by an Obgyn to verify that there isn't anything else anatomically going on.

The reactions of discovering a name and that others suffer can look different. However there tends to a word that gets tossed around a member. They are sad words.  "Freak", "Not female", "abnormal","weird", "different", and "alone"... This is very sad.  Most likely the lack of discussion in sex ed at public school, the lack of inclusion in sex ed in most college classes, the hush hush factor that will be discussed as an entry in the future, and the amount of doctors that don't either really understand or never heard the condition feeds into why women often feel alone and weird and not normal.

Social Media groups such as the ones found on Yahoo, Google, and Facebook are important to the women that join because it helps them to realize they are not alone. It helps to break down that "I'm weird" and "abnormal" attitude that often attaches itself to the condition indirectly.  One thing to note, when we did the symptoms of Vaginismus. The author of the blog noted that depression and self - loathing should be attached as symptoms. It is because of these feelings above that the author of the blog argued that those symptoms should be included into the list of symptoms.

For many the social media sites become a safe place to get answers to questions since there are many different ways to treat Vaginismus. For many its a source of hope since many often feel hopeless at first.  So it helps to see that other women are making progress and realize that there is a light at the end of the table.  It is a method to share "good" Obgyn's and list of Obgyn's to avoid.  Its also a place to vent when we have those bad experiences in bed, our own self loathing, frustration with lack of progress, attitudes from society or partners, and in general. So joining a social media can be very helpful for many conditions.

If your reading this and have been diagnosed with Vaginismus and come across this, it is important to understand that you are not alone and that it is treatable.  There are many women whom have this condition.  This blog contains so far links to groups on Facebook but soon it will also include active groups on Yahoo and Google.  If your on Facebook look up Informational download on Vaginismus.  The author will attach a link to the page on Facebook. Its  great resource to go to because it will have links to different groups along with a description of each group.

What we would like to see?

We would like to see more family and Obgyn doctors to be more aware of the condition and understand the different reactions by women that suffer.  Schools to add vaginismus into their sex ed classes when they discuss reproductive systems.  Someone whom doesn't have vaginismus might read this and say.. "Why are we encouraging kids to be able to have sex?" Stop right there. First off vaginismus impacts not only the ability to have sex, it also impacts the ability for a female to get pap smears, and the inability to wear a tampon.  There are many women that might have gone for treatment and been able to treat prior to be looking for a partner but didn't because they didn't have the information at their hands. We would like to see college professors that teach the sex ed classes to discuss this as part of their curriculum.  At some point, we would like Vaginismus to be common as Erectile dysfunction.

The female anatomy

We found a video and as I find more really cool visuals I will add them to this post for the female anatomy. But feast your eyes on this..

.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5-bz97yXH-Q&app=desktop

What do men think about the vagina and female anatomy?

You might be wondering why this is a topic. But honestly its important for us women to know what they know and don't know. You might find that with your experience that you feel like the guy in the video. Or maybe you feel your a little closer to understanding the anatomy. It helps us to understand that we often have to educate ourselves and our partners. The more educated and the more they understand the better they can be in being a support.

http://mic.com/articles/106974/we-asked-men-to-draw-vaginas-to-prove-an-important-point?utm_source=nar.al&utm_medium=urlshortener&utm_campaign=FB

Reactions to homework activity and self reflection

So a member from the Vaginismus Support group drew from the activity. This was without text book or Internet to look at. The self reflection and conversation became about forgetting the clit and their spouse noticed the red and stated they thought it signified the pain.   When the member thought about the no clit was because of never having experienced an orgasm. So not thinking about it. Really what it taught this member was how much more they needed to learn about their body. Now will share a link to a video where guys are asked to draw. The post after that will be a small anatomy lesson. 

What do you know about your vagina?

In most of the posts, we have given a medical look and then a perception. However, because this is going to be an exercise for you. (An exercise for me??) . Yes, part of the healing process is understanding your body and how it all work.

Homework for yourself-

Materials:
Paper
Pencil/crayon/marker/pen
Time (10 minutes or as long as needed)
Privacy


Without going online or looking it up. Take a second and draw your vagina and label the parts of your vagina. Then place this drawing in a safe place because the next post in the future (will actually discuss the parts and pictures that members have willingly decided to share). Plus we will include a really cool clip which is what men think the vagina looks like. This will be your reward for the homework.

Facebook Annoucement

To continue the spread and information to the community and prevent this hush hush and provide support. Two admins from the Vaginismus Support Group have created a page that will be a place to go find doctors/PT's/and other medical professionals and groups on Facebook/ groups on Yahoo/ Groups on Google.

This will be the information hub.  

Check it out

https://www.facebook.com/411onvag

What are the potential "cause" of Vaginismus?

Being involved in an active group on Facebook, this is one of the most highly debated topics in the group.  This blog is strictly a reference and not a discussion group. So as you read through this entry we will go with the "what does other sources state" and then look at how the individual members feel is the cause of them having it from the individuals whom have agreed to have their comments posted without a name.

I'm going to state that its better to go this page of vaginismus.como see what they say. It has some great charts that talk about physical causes and emotional causes.. I think this is the best source I have seen. https://www.vaginismus.com/vaginismus-causes .


Now we will move to the members feelings:

"I was raped when I was little and I do believe that this is a large part of why I have Vaginismus. Although I learned that a cousin may have had issues that prevented coitus with their spouse but due to the nature of relationship of my parents to that side of the family. I never got to learn more about the reasons for the issues. But often wondered potential "genetic factor". I still feel my past plays a huge role. "- one member

"I believe mine is the fear of pain and the fact that both my husband and I are virgins. Sometimes I think he has no idea what he's doing!"- posted with permission from one member.

"Abuse and fear of pain, misknowledge of our bodies, vagina's symbolism (vagina--> the sacred center of us like women and persons has been harmed for thousands years and it doesn't mater if we haven't been abused or raped directly. I mean, this pain and energy continues because like women we have too much to heal..)"- from another member of the group.

"I first started to notice pain with sex about two weeks after I had a pretty bad UTI in 2010. Ever since then I have had pain with sex and medical exams."- from a member in the group.

"I don't know because I've had it since at least fifth grade (didn't know at the time, thought it was weird stomach pain). I'm now in my 20's."- from a member in the group.

What are the Symptoms of Vaginismus as seen by articles and words used by members?

In this post we are going to address the symptoms of Vaginismus...

Again with the online sources list and then we will move to the members.

After looking at many of the different sites.. I picked www.vaginismus.com for their comprehensive list of symptoms because they seemed to have all the different symptoms noted by the other sites and then some. They note that they list the common symptoms so it isn't a comprehensive list.

"* Burning or stinging with tightness during sex
  * Difficult or inability for penetration to occur, entry pain, uncomfortable insertion of penis
  * Unconsummated marriage
  * Ongoing sexual discomfort or pain following (childbirth, yeast/urinary infections, STDS,IC, hysterectomy, cancer and surgeries, rape, menopause, or other issues
  * Ongoing sexual pain of unknown origin with no clear cause
  * Difficulty of inserting tampons or having a pelvic/gynecological exam
   * Spasms in other body muscle groups (legs, back, et) and /or halted breathing during attempts at intercourse
   * Women avoids sex due to pain and/or failure "

This next part is members sharing their symptoms. They may use other words to explain their symptoms.. Add to the list based on how they feel. 

" I have primary. My symptoms were an inability to use a tampon. Insertion would cause me to pass out from the pain and sometimes inability to insert. At the beginning of my marriage it was an inability for penetration to occur. It was like there was this block wall preventing insertion resulting in an unconsummated marriage. I had a hard time with gynecological visits and Pap smears were problematic.  I definitely have experienced spasms in other body muscle groups. Until recently I never really connected that to the Vaginismus.  The burning was a very description of the pain experienced when having sex.  As a result of lack of success in the bedroom and pain, as a woman with the condition I found myself trying to avoid the bedroom at night and the whole sex because it was stressful. I think if I were to add to that list. I would say this list does not talk about the self-confidence issues, depression, despair, stress that is connected to this condition. " - From a member of the group.

What is Vaginismus? (Medical Definition and then How do Suffers define themselves)

What is Vaginismus?

There are several ways to look at this question and we are going to address both in this blog. To give the medical definition, I'm going to pull from several sources for you to see their interpretation to this question.

The first place of information that is obtained. This is the http://www.vaginismus.com/'s website's definition and their image or representation. I highly recommend checking out their website to see what information this source has.

http://www.vaginismus.com/

" 

Vaginismus is a vaginal tightness causing discomfort, burning, pain, penetration problems, or complete inability to have intercourse." It is pronounced [vaj-uh-niz-muh s].  The woman suffering with vaginismus has no direct control or 'will' this tightness to occur, it is an involuntary pelvic response.  She may not even have any awareness that the muscle response is causing this tightness or penetration problems. Some cases of vaginismus tightness may begin to cause burning, pain, or stinging during intercourse. In other cases, penetration may be difficult or completely impossible.  It is the main reason for unconsummated relationship.  The tightness can be so restrictive that it prevents the man from being able to insert his penis into the female vagina.  The pain will end when the sexual tempt stops and often sexual intercourse is halted due to the pain and discomfort."

The below picture is one that is from the www.vaginsmus.com but is a visual display.

Vaginismus Involuntary Tightness - In the diagram on the left, the effects of vaginismus are illustrated with the tightening of the pelvic floor muscles and the resulting tightness of the vagina. On the right, the pelvic floor is relaxed and intercourse is possible without pain. "

The second source I quoted is an online common medical journal that many people reference when looking for information. Feel free to also check their information out. While I think it does a good definition. The first source is what I would call the guru of vaginismus and knowledge on it.
http://www.webmd.com/women/guide/vaginismus-causes-symptoms-treatments

"Where a women's vagina's muscles squeeze or spasm when something is entering,  like a tampon or a penis. It can be mildly uncomfortable, or it can be painful. There are treatment methods using exercises that a woman can do to help, sometimes within weeks."

Pretty much you can see that the medical discusses the pelvic floor muscles that spasm when something is near or the thought of insertion or something attempting to be inserted is occurring. A key thing to note is pain or discomfort in sex.  

There are two types of Vaginismus that get discussed:

Primary: This is where the person has had it since they became aware of it (could be a gyn appointment, first attempt at a tampon, or first attempt to have sex). 

Secondary: Person was able to have pain free sex, they have vaginismus often times after childbirth or a medical procedure.

But as you can imagine the medical definition doesn't always show or really always have the total image and picture of what goes on with the individual whom has vaginismus. You will find commonalities in experiences.. But how a person views themselves and the condition and how they define it might be a little different.  Some of our members have agreed to let us quote their definition and way of looking at and defining vaginismus.

"It has been a condition that I have suffered with for almost 15 or more years. I had no name and really no understanding that I had a condition and that it was treatable. My mom was a nurse and had no idea that there were signs. It wasn't until I was 23 and on my honeymoon that I realized there was a problem. Mine was primary and made sex impossible. It was four years later that I found a Physical therapist and after a year of weekly treatment managed to be able to have obgyn appointment, and to insert a tampon, and later have sex. Now I have a son. To me vaginismus has been a frustration and making me feel different and not part of the club. After having my son, I regressed and due to time and inconvenience of location from therapy haven't been able to make a whole lot of progress. To me Vaginismus is this big hush hush secret and that even doctors don't know a lot. I think that makes it feel like it is even more of a dark secret. Because not a whole lot of medical professionals really understand the condition and what it does. The ones that do seem to have their hands in a money pocket looking for business. It is one of the reasons I joined the group and really wanted this blog to be made to help educate other women."- One of the admins of the group.

"My subconscious mentally making my PC muscles tighten to make it difficult/impossible to achieve penetration."- from a member in the group with Primary.

"I would define it, in my case at least, as a mental block-although subconscious-that interacts with my physical and conscious self in a negative and restrictive way..."- from a member in the group with Primary.

"Like there wasn't even a hole there and while finger and tampons work easily, gyno exams and especially intercourse hurt and burn awfully. Vaginismus seems to talk to me. I can fool the whole world including myself, but I cannot fool my vagina. To me, vaginismus is the symptom, not the cause, of deeper seated anxieties in life that need to be addressed alongside treatment."- From a member with Primary.

"Dr. Oz video I just saw described it perfectly for me. Vaginal panic attack. He also called it 'back spasm of the vagina'. Both are accurate depending on the circumstances of the day"- from a member with Primary.

"

Welcome to the Vaginismus Support Group Blog

Welcome to the Vaginismus Support Group Blog.  This blog is connected to a Facebook Social media group run by four women that suffer and have Vaginismus.  Vaginismus is a condition that impacts women.  This blog is simply to present techniques and resources that members of the group have found or that doctors have shared. It is a place to read and learn about different things connected to the condition.
This blog connects to the groups. None of the members information or personal experiences will be shared on this blog without the written permission or request of the members in this group. It is a very sensitive group and members are expected to respect the privacy of the other members.

A link to the Facebook group will be posted above..

We will also include a resource for different other groups and blogs that can be looked at for information.